We are publishing personal essays from CNN’s global staff as they live and cover the story of Covid-19. AnneClaire Stapleton is a senior news editor for CNN’s international desk, based in Atlanta.
Your mess is mine as mine is yours. These were vows my husband and I pledged to each other on our wedding day, along with “in sickness and in health, in breaking news and deployments…” We knew going into marriage that our life would never be “normal”– the white picket fence, 2.5 kids, 9 to 5 jobs.
Coronavirus Diaries
I’m a journalist and he does special operations in the military. We work overnights, weekends, holidays, and are constantly flying by the seat of our pants. He’s gone for months at a time with little to no notice. I’m always on edge for the next big breaking news event.
But here’s the thing: this life has prepared me for the reality that is Covid-19.
I’m nine months pregnant, my husband is on a nine-month deployment and we have a nine-year-old son I’m attempting to home-school. I haven’t left my house in weeks, I rarely wash my hair, my body is more uncomfortable by the day as I get closer to having this baby, we don’t know if my husband will make it home in time for his birth, my family and in-laws have to do a 14-day quarantine before they can come meet our new child and I still have two weeks before I go on maternity leave. Life is messy.
But I’m not in a state of panic or pulling my hair out. I’m oddly chill about what is happening around me. After so many years of not having control over much in our life, this seems like another bump in our long road of uncertainty.
Military families often hear, “I just don’t know how you do it.” Now the world is getting a glimpse of how.
Birthdays, weddings and anniversaries are missed. Trips are canceled at the last minute. Loved ones battle sickness without our hands to hold. Funerals are held without you. You make a plan, it changes. You make a new one, it flies out the window. Friends and family are confused about which days you need help. You can’t give them a straight answer because you don’t know yourself.
The government makes the decisions. And then changes them. Over and over and over. Sound familiar?
I grew up in a huge military community in the Florida Panhandle where deployments and uncertainty were woven into the thread of daily life. Christmas in July? Sure, why not. Don’t know where your mom or dad is currently deployed? It happens. Hearing your neighbor, friend or relative has been injured overseas and family is rushing to be by their side or, in many cases, can’t get there? All too common.
My cousin, an Air Force veteran, once told me, “Military life: embrace the suck and keep it moving.” A true poet.
Home Front: Exploring the civilian-military divide and the challenges for service families
Not every day is smooth sailing for me. I’ve had my bad days and breakdowns. This pregnancy was originally twins, but I miscarried one in the first trimester. I was heartbroken. This was after years of trying to get pregnant and three rounds of IVF. I went through most of the process while my husband was away on military duties. Making a baby without a partner – sounds fun, huh?
The IVF process had me asking my dad, mom, both in-laws, a coworker and a neighbor all to give me shots. It had to be at exact times of the day and I didn’t have anyone else to ask. Ever had to ask someone to give you a shot in the derriere? Adapt, laugh, and move on. Life is messy.
During a work trip to Hong Kong, I started new fertility medication and ended up throwing up on the subway in front of my boss. Messy. As my dad always says, it is what it is. Adapt, laugh, and move on. What other choice is there?
A few months ago I got a call at work that my husband had been injured. My mom has been living with me since he left in December. She was supposed to go home for a much-needed break the day we found out he got hurt. I didn’t know if I could fly overseas at that point in my pregnancy. We didn’t know if he could be evacuated due to bad weather. Frankly, I didn’t know much. It was messy. I ugly-cried at work in front of my boss. It was a low point.
But the following day was better. I made a plan, abandoned it, made a new plan, that one changed too. Finally I made it to his side for surgery with only a couple of weeks to spare before borders started closing. Deal with the crisis and make the best of the situation. Are you sensing a pattern here?
I don’t make light of what’s happening around the world. Millions are suffering and I am eternally grateful my family is safe and healthy. I have an extended family who rallies, steps up and supports us throughout it all.
My point is: We never know what tomorrow is going to bring. My years as a military wife and journalist prepared me for Covid-19. Adapt, laugh when you can, cry when you need to, and remember you aren’t alone.
We will come out of this crisis stronger than we were before it.